This is a little tid-bit post for the night! So, in my spare time, I like to write-
-HA! Spare time, like I have any of THAT.
Okay, in reality, I do a lot of thinking while I’m doing dishes, and with my habit of constantly baking and cooking, I do a lot of dishes. Some days I think about hot celebrity men, my favorite tv shows, and clothes I wish I could afford to buy… But other days, I think about things with a little more ground. Maybe it’s because someone said something that irked me and I feel like retaliating or maybe I read something profound. Either way, about a week ago, I had one of those days and decided to actually write out what I thought. I titled it, posted it on fb, and moved on.
Okay, you got me again, I didn’t move on! I anxiously awaited the replies of people, hoping I’d said something that touched someone. So what if I like the idea of changing someone’s life, that’s not unreasonable is it? (Is it?)
But what I got instead wasn’t going to touch someone else, it touched ME. An old friend of mine took it upon himself to give my musings a voice… and it was beautiful. It really did mean a great deal to me to actually hear the words with that level of emotion. Below is a screenshot of the conversation following his recording.
Josh, I do thank you for what you gave me.
Here is what I wrote as well as a link to the recording of Josh’s reading of it. Please enjoy and give me any thoughts.
You, incapable of seeing the suffering of others beyond your own kinship of mind, with even the thickness of blood not sufficient enough to render your accusations null, cannot possibly comprehend the thousands of incidences of pain and choice lived through by every other being around you. You, who chooses so easily to cast aside all value outside your own, who so quickly passes judgment on souls you’ve never been so blessed to know, cannot ever receive the privilege of loving an undeserving life. Oh! What a joy it is to feel compassion for a life that would take yours without guilt! How freeing it is to know that your choices are not hindered by the heaviness of a hatred unbridled! You, who live in those shackles of darkened emotion, cannot fully understand what it is to walk in lighted paths. While there are times for disrupt and unkempt hearts, for without darkness the light would not shine so bright, I much prefer to live a life in the sun with my heart soothed and my mind softened by joy’s gentle hand. How I wish I could lead you, hand in hand like a child, to a place where your hatred would suddenly crack and spill open, revealing a small and broken flower to which could be tended until stable enough to love on its own. How I wish I could, but hatred so strong grows chains in the earth of your soul, choking the broken flower until it is all but a shell, a shadow of the child you once were. You were not born to hate, no, a child is born knowing only how to love and wishing only to be loved in return. Eyes wide and shining, he ventures fourth into the world, one wobbly leg at a time, and reaches for the joy in others. No, you are not born to hate. You are taught. There are fortunate few who escape the torture of surrounding souls attempting to snatch the light from within them. As if the light of a child’s heart is offensive to the darkness in their own, as if they must dim it some to be able to keep company, and it is far easier to smother a single light than it is to try and match the brightness. Those fortunate few that have escaped such torture have been blessed with a source of light so strong that it can never be extinguished. Oh, but how I wish it could be shared! Alas, I am limited to merely show it to you and hope that you do not recoil in disgust. But I have shone brightly in my own right and you have recoiled. Revealing your nature while taking care to attempt and convince me of my wrong doing. It is your actions that are wrong. For how can loving another be wrong? It is your walls that you built, caging yourself, that is the abomination. Only animals live in cages. And you have made an animal of yourself.
Please take the time to listen to the audio version. It brings the emotions I felt while writing this to life. If you don’t hear anything, be patient, it has a few seconds of silence before he begins reading.