Life on the inside. I've been sentenced 18 years to life and The Wardens are doing their best to drive me even crazier.


So you want to know “about me”? Well, let’s see…

My name is Toni. And that’s all you’re going to get out of me on that topic. Here, they call me Momma.

I’m twenty one. Yes, twenty one. That magical number where a young adult seizes the opportunity to become a true adult and drinks until they can’t see straight anymore. That’s the twenty one you’re thinking of, right? Wrong. Not mine. I spent my drunk nights in the beds of trucks near a river I’m sure Google Maps doesn’t even know exists when I was seventeen. Now, 4 years later, I’m not nearly as worried about waking up with a hangover as I am waking up to shit in my son’s sheets. That’s the twenty one I am living. Soak it up.

I’m the mother of two boys, hence the “shit in my son’s sheets” remark. Here they are lovingly referred to “The Wardens”. They are the two tiny masses that have chained me to this house and make me want to pull my hair out and throw sippy cups through windows on a daily basis. But I love them anyway. Yeah, yeah, I know all you other moms already know that I love them but I have to put it in there otherwise I’ll feel bad. Okay? So deal with it. I’m real. That includes the mushy goo that all mommies feel. And that can be taken both literally and figuratively depending on the time of day… and the smell of that diaper.

I live in a po-dunk town somewhere you’ve never heard of in a part of Texas that no one knows exists. Somewhere between Dallas and the city where Texas Tech is (because more people know about Texas Tech than they do about Lubbock). It’s tiny and I like to remind people just how tiny because apparently saying “We don’t have any fast food places or a Walmart” never seems to register the first 10 times you say it.  Yes, I’m country. Yes, I eat fried chicken and other meats fried as if they were chicken. Yes, I drink sweet tea more than a vampire drinks blood and yes, I talk with an accent. I’ve ridden a horse and said “howdy”. I’ve worn boots and cowboy hats and I’ve never spent more than $40 on a pair of jeans. Any other cliché questions? I’d be happy to answer them.

I’m married to a man I met at a lake. Yes. We are those people. I have more family members than I care to count and on several occasion I have discovered that somebody I’ve known for years is actually related to me and it still surprises me. I mean how many more people can be cousins before we start calling our town an ongoing family reunion?

I’m an artist. I don’t mean that in a I-wear-funny-looking-hats-and-walk-around-with-a-paintbrush-behind-my-ear kind of way that people have made that word sound like. I mean it in the way that says I like to take pictures and write stuff and doodle on random pieces of paper (that are often important…oops) and I like to try things when I see them. I’ve made jewelry from scratch, painted giant murals, designed tattoos, tried my hand at sewing, built things from scratch, sculpted and molded (and yes, they are different) and any other crafty thing you can think of. Yep, I’ve done it… and if I haven’t I’ve heard of it and just haven’t gotten around to trying it yet. Currently, my favorite ways to express myself are through pictures and words. Thus, my blog. There you have it.

My blog is new. Hence not having an archive that dates back past 2002 or whatever. That also means I can’t say things like “ I’ve been featured in this magazine and that website.”. Nor have I ever written any books that were published. Up until now, aside from a few failed attempts at an online diary, my written pieces have been on paper. Paper that has probably never been seen by anyone else. Paper that I don’t even know it’s whereabouts because it’s probably in some box in my shed or stuffed between two pages in my high school planner. So if you are the kind of person that only reads “popular” blogs or blogs with credentials… then keep moving. But if you don’t care about that stuff and just like my sense of humor then by all means, stick around!

We would love to have you here!

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